Reflections

As the holidays are vastly approaching, it's time to reflect upon the experiences and create what will be for the upcoming year. Disaster and tragedies have taken a toll on the human spirit, wrecking havoc on our once "so-called" peaceful lives and will. It's very hard to say whether or not these tragedies have brought us closer together or torn us farther apart, but what we do with our own personal experiences can determine the outcome; what we have learned, how we grow, what we will achieve, what we will become.

Now if I were to look back upon the past few months of this year alone, I can say that (with regret) people who were a part of my life growing up, I personally should have taken the time to let them know that my experiences from them were well appreciated. They helped me to become, to learn and to grow...then with a blink of an eye, they are gone...

Two people (cousins) in general taught me so much while I was growing up that, I never once thought I would hear the words, "Your cousin has passed away..." As heart-wrenching as that sounds, we take for granted on a daily basis the people in our lives without once thinking of the future and what it may entail. One of my fondest memories of my cousins ( because they were both shall I say "gangstas") is how they taught me how to survive on the streets...(sometimes, or rather oftentimes, street knowledge is better than book knowledge) I learned how to recognize "game" and extinguish it before it became...I learned how to hustle and never depend on anyone for anything except myself. See something a great deal of people miss in Life 101...Depend on thyself, because no one else will do it for you.

October 31st (Halloween of all days) My cousin Ray passed away and to this day I regret all the words I expressed to my mother when I learned he was in the hospital (hospice)...I just thought that the pain and the suffering he was going through was because he was once again "trying to get over" on the system. Little did I know that he really was suffering. I just knew in my heart he'd be alright, I mean I had seen him do it a thousand times over and over. My heart literally sank when I came home from work and received the news about him. Reflecting back upon some of the times we'd share as a family (he used to think I was a spoiled brat and I thought he was scandalous) one of the funniest memories that I have of him now (it wasn't back in the day when I had to experience it, but now I can laugh at it and just let it go) but he would steal my cds then turn around and try to sell them back to me! Although we weren't close knit like we were when we were children, I always knew that if I ever needed anything from him, he'd do what he could to make sure I had it...

Albert Charles literally was my idol! He was the biggest, baddest, sweetest man you could ever come across. But, you could never cross him and think you'd get away with it. He was the Don Gotti, and I am still trying to process his death to this day. (I could tell a ton of stories about my experiences with Albert Charles....) Albert Charles was always there for me, he was considered the "black sheep" of the family because of his prison stays, and oftentimes my family forbade me from hanging out with him, but to no avail, because he was truly the only one who ever gave a damn and wanted to make sure I never walked along the paths that he walked. If we were standing at the Crossroads today, he'd push me on the right path (even if I protested) he'd insist...

Mrs. Degrate passed away one week before Ray passed away...She left such an impact upon my younger sister (she babysat her) that Nicole would listen to only Mrs. Degrate (instead of my mom sometimes.) She was the only one who could get through to my sister and through to any of the children she watched. Growing up, Mrs. Degrate had all of the neighborhood children in her care, and in control (something that is lacking in today's society...the village that raises the children) I remember all of the neighborhood birthday parties and barbecues. Mrs Degrate would sit proudly at school functions and watch all of us children and would be the loudest one clapping for our accomplishments! Her daughter Mimi (rest in peace, she passed away from AIDS) and I were the same age and literally if not blood, were sisters. When I learned Mimi had AIDS and had refused to continue her medication, questions of my own mortality arose. Within the course of two and a half years already I had lost so many people; My Father, my next door neighbor Margie (another neighborhood icon village mom) My Dog Bear and Mimi. And now, this year has brought about even more loss. I worry so much now about Aunt Bonnie (my father's sister) who is currently battling lung cancer. I worry about Nanny (my grandmother) who has to deal with more and more heartache each day...

My sister Nicole adored Mrs. Degrate, Toni, Mrs. Degrate's daughter was telling me the story of when Nicole would be there she'd have all types of dairy products (Nicole has severe allergies to dairy products) and she'd be fine...it's just when Nicole would be home that she'd break out in hives and rashes if she had milk, cheese or you name it! Only at Mrs. Degrate would she be fine...Mrs. Degrate was the only one who could stop her from banging her head against the sidewalk and concrete walls (something she'd do when she got mad) and get her to calm down.

I mentioned earlier about taking people for granted or taking for granted the fact that we think someone will be here for all eternity, but if it is not written in the cards, it will not be. How we choose to interact with people in our everyday lives and what we do to further enrich their experiences while they are here should matter, now more than ever, because one day we may look up and someone else is taken so early from our lives. It's important to let people know how you feel about them, it's important to give love and acknowledge all people in our lives.

Its important, especially during the holidays that we do all that we can to help those less fortunate, and open our hearts to them. The holidays are a stressful time of year for anyone, but just imagine someone struggling to find cover for the night from the elements, or searching for food in garbage bins. Every little bit that we could do, counts...Remember they too are our brothers and sisters...

Give love, share love, be LOVE....

Love is Life