Growing Old - Fighting the Age (stuff)

This growing old stuff is for the birds....wait a minute! Is that a....wrinkle? (examining, examining) I can't believe there is a wrinkle under my eye...or maybe that is one of those fine lines...or maybe I just looked in the mirror the wrong way, but it looks like a line...What is this beside my nose....it looks like a....Wrinkle!

Whoa! Ok this growing old stuff is not conducive to my complexion. Tell me that is not an age spot! Is that an...age spot? Whew! Big G. and I are going to have to talk about this because I don't think this was a part of my contractual agreement...I don't think I included in my contract wrinkles, fine lines and hair loss.

I am beginning to feel ancient and behind the times! There I said it. I feel ancient, like an old soul. Did we have classes on this or did they neglect to send the memo? Maybe I ditched that day...

I remember when I was younger I couldn't wait to be 18. At 18 I couldn't wait to be in my 20s. At 29 I was hoping I could go back to my early 20s. At 30, I wished I were still in my teens. Funny how that works. I don't remember anything after 35, that's when age takes effect, you lose your mind!

Actually, let the truth be told, I like being an old soul, there is something about being able to say "...Been there, done that," or "Wait a minute! Haven't we seen this movie before? ...This music isn't new, its (fill in the blank)" I do enjoy being sought after for advice because someone wants my viewpoint. I enjoy listening to people especially when they try to impress upon you that although they are younger they know more songs in the key of life and can relate to all I have seen and been through (could very well be true unless you're discordant) One thing I do enjoy is the fact that I'm not only getting older, I am getting better. Wiser. Clearer.

When I was younger, especially in my 20s, I spent a great deal of energy wanting people to like me. I wouldn't speak up when I felt like someone was deliberately getting over on me because I didn't want to create waves, and I allowed myself to be trampled on time and time again. Now? I could care less how you feel about me. As a matter of fact, things that I felt were so important to me back then are so minute now. I operate by a strict code: Respect...respect of self and respect of others. If someone cannot be respectful and mindful of another person, they do not even get a chance to appeal. I do not waste energy on things that are not substantive.

I have a head full of gray hair, and a few of lines on my face. I worry about the state of the world, not whether someone gives me the validation to say that I am a person. I am my only validation. I call my own shots, I say what is real and what is fake in my world. I do not need approval from anyone to live my life according to how I see fit. There are many individuals that seek validation from others about their existence. So many people drive me crazy when I hear them say, "I am nothing without them..." or "...they are my reason for breathing..." I'm sorry breathing is an automatic function of the body and is the act of inhalation and exhalation of air. It is absolutely absurd to say they are your reason for breathing, unless they are in charge of the cord plugged into the wall or paying the bill to keep the energy flowing. But then again that gives someone too much power and control over you and why would you cosign to it?

I have met a great deal of people in my lifetime. I have had innumerous conversations with men and women, and I still cringe when I hear from my female friends how they have placed their entire livelihoods on the men in their lives. They spend countless hours each day trying to convince someone that their lives are perfect, all the while complaining because they don't like the power the man has over them, yet, quick to hand over the keys to their lives with no problems at all. These are the ones I have found that try to speak prophetically to a group of people to appear sane and in control, but are pathetic individuals, who demoralize themselves just to say they have a man in their lives. To say "I am nothing without them," translates into, "He pays my bills, pays my rent and buys my food..."

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with loving unconditionally, one should never lose themselves in it. (That is the difference) When another person uses love as a means to manipulate another (i.e., "I love you so much I can't breathe without you...I will kill myself if you leave me!" ") the other person could feel bound and controlled by that statement alone, and would be afraid to leave if they had to ("...oh my god if I leave they will cease breathing or kill themselves...I can't have that on my conscious!") However, the manipulator knows just what to say and how to act to get what they want. All in the name of love.

I realized this at an early age. People will say and do things for their own benefit. There is something to this age thing. It does make you reflect. It is within these reflections we gain the wisdom and knowledge of those experiences. Today at 42 I am less tolerant of idle bullshit. I do not allow myself to get caught up in the dramatics of people. As a matter of fact I feel like that Old Woman in the Shoe with my Zoo. I walk away from people, places and things if it feels uncomfortable to me. I have zero tolerance for dishonesty. Zero tolerance for stupidity. Zero tolerance for ignorance. My list grows daily.

I'm aging, but I understand now. I am sure I will understand more later. My body may be aging, but my mind is infinite. My thoughts I own...So I have a few lines and wrinkles. Some gray hair that is thinning. Above all, I have myself - something that cannot be manipulated, controlled or bamboozled. I have come a long way baby!

Now if you don't mind, I need to talk to Big G. about these contracts, we may need to create some new templates!